Woman selling seashells on the seashore denied small business loan

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A woman selling items on the beach that can also be found for free on the beach has lost out on a small business loan after her venture was deemed “untenable”.

Abby Weaver, 28, has a degree in Business from the University of East Anglia and felt sure her application for a £10,000 business loan would be successful.

“It’s just typical of the banks,” sniffed a heartbroken Weaver, “they just don’t want to help the little guys succeed.”

“This is everything wrong with our corporate world. We’re told we can succeed, but then we’re not allowed to.”

Robert Sharp, the bank’s business loan consultant, said “it’s more because her business model was a shower of shit, to be honest.”

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“She wanted to charge money for seashells in a place where seashells are readily available for free.”

“Call me old-fashioned, but I’m pretty sure that’s a one-way ticket to fuck-all money.”

“I’m still not even sure what she’d need the money for; I can’t imagine there’s much in the way of overheads for someone picking things up from the ground; the homeless bloke outside certainly doesn’t seem to struggle.”

“I mean he does, obviously, but you get what I mean.”

Abby Weaver remains unbowed, as she soon intends to open up a discount freezer store in Northern Greenland.

“Ker-Ching,” grinned Weaver.