Jeremy Corbyn appointed to lose the next election

author avatar by 8 years ago

The Labour Party has confirmed that Jeremy Corbyn will lead them to defeat in the 2020 election today.

The veteran left-winger took the nomination by storm after he was only included on the ballot to ensure all possibilities of defeat were considered by the membership.

The ballot originally only asked Labour supporters whether they would like to lose the 2020 election badly, very badly indeed, or oh my goodness.

However, this was not felt to represent a sufficiently broad range of potential losses, so Corbyn was added to the list as the “Nick Clegg” candidate.

Corbyn took the leadership with 59% of the vote from members of the party, and those who joined just because they ‘thought it would be funny to vote for Jeremy’.

“His victory is a resounding mandate for Jeremy’s style of old-school, traditional, principled Labour thumping defeat,” party insiders told us.

“Now the electorate know they can reject the Labour party with a completely clear conscience.”

“Presented with the opportunity to cast away the next election as comprehensively as Michael Foot, members really decided to go for broke.”

“Which given our economic record in government is quite ironic, now I come to think of it.”

Corbyn’s election plan is to appeal to the youth vote, public-sector workers, and non-voters, because that’s been tremendously successful every time it has been tried over the last fifty years.

Supporters of Jeremy Corbyn insist it is important not make to compromises for power, because obviously the electorate totally want people who don’t take the views of others into account when they make decisions.

At time of writing, Prime Minister David Cameron is reported to have laughed so hard he died twice on the table before they managed to resuscitate him.