A man offering a heartfelt apology has started to question if he is, in fact, apologising for the correct thing, according to sources close to the incident.
32-year-old Simon Williams is halfway through an earnest apology to his girlfriend for what he believed to be an incident that occurred at a birthday celebration last night.
“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry, if it seemed like I was flirting it was just me being friendly and just trying to make her feel welcome because she doesn’t really know anyone in the group,” he was overheard to say.
However, the response of his girlfriend has led him to doubt this is in fact what he should be apologising for.
“Oh, you’re sorry for the flirting, is that it?” she said cryptically.
“If that’s what you’re sorry for then I guess everything is ok then,” she added, before looking directly into his soul.
Williams’ heart rate then leapt by twenty beats per minute as his brain consumed all spare oxygen reserves in a desperate attempt to recall other potential incidents for which he should apologise.
As one witness described, “It was a pretty horrific scene.
“It was like he couldn’t swallow, and all the colour started draining from his face.
“His mouth was making shapes, but nothing came out, and his eyes showed nothing but the panic you normally only see in the wild before an animal is consumed by an apex predator.
“In the end, it was all too much and he blurted out a load of random words including birthday, anniversary, dry-cleaning, washing up and toilet seat.
“Judging by the slap, it wasn’t any of those.”