Actual grown-ups are reported to be genuinely excited by the release of some new Star Wars toys today.
People over the age of 18 who are allowed to vote, drive and have children appear to be sincerely thrilled by the appearance in shops of some new varieties of remote-controlled robot.
Researchers suggest these are many of the same people who put “Jedi” as their religion on the census.
The new toy line, which includes characters from the forthcoming film and related peripherals, go on sale today four days after everyone got paid but long before they’re spent it on anything less important like food or heating.
Star Wars fan Simon Williams, 47, told us, “Yes, I could spend my money on, I dunno, paying bills and buying a new suit for work or a settee and all that adult crap.”
“Or I could spend it on a new lightsabre. Let’s be honest, which do you think is more likely?”
“Now piss off and stop judging my life choices.”
“Vwum. Vwum, vwum, vwuuuuuuuuuum, pssshtkk. Pew, pew pew,” he added.
Star Wars creator George Lucas sold the franchise to Disney for four billion dollars several years ago, and Disney is reported to want to make its money back by Friday of this week.