The question on the EU referendum will be ‘Don’t you not think that the UK shouldn’t not isn’t remain/leave the EU’, the government has announced this morning.
Possible answers will be “Yes”, “No”, “Maybe”, “Er”, “Don’t leave me this way”, “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down”, “Fish”, “Blue”, “Stay, but only if they throw the French out”, ” “SNP”, and “I blame the Westminster bubble”.
The question has been carefully constructed to prevent confusion and bias in the wording, and make the options as clear as possible to the people of the UK.
“It’s important that the British people are presented with the chance to make a clear and unequivocal decision to stay in the EU no matter what,” a spokesman told us.
“To that end, we have put an immense amount of time and effort into ensuring that the question is as clear as we want it to be and sends out all the right signals.”
“And don’t worry if you give the wrong answer, we can always have more votes until you give the right one.”
The European Commission has been ambivalent about the referendum, suggesting that the UK ‘can go fuck itself’ if it decides to leave, although officials were quick to confirm that this did not mean there would be any ill-feeling towards the ungrateful British bastards.