Self-driving cars risk putting clowns out of business

author avatar by 9 years ago

Clown spokesmen have issued a stark warning that self-driving cars risk putting thousands of their drivers out of work this morning.

Concerns were first raised during clown training, when a self-driving car refused to stay parked behind an elephant just before it did a big poo.

Further tests revealed it was impossible to knock over another clown dressed as a policeman, and wipers automatically engaged when the windscreen was hit by a custard pie, rendering it perfectly possible to see out of the front.

Clown driving, already under threat from improvements in engine technology which means backfiring exhausts and sudden explosions of stream from under the bonnet are nearly a thing of the past, will be dealt a ‘fatal blow’ if self-driving cars are adopted.

“This is a black day for the clown community,” we were told by a clown spokesman with a painted-on extra sad face.

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“The comedy jalopy is an integral part of the clown act and without it literally thousands might lose their jobs.”

“Four clowns crammed in and fighting over the controls whilst it veers wildly about, frightening the ringmaster before ending up nose first in a handy tub of water is comedy 101.”

He then paused to try and wipe away a tear, before realising it too was painted on.

“No matter how hard we tried,” he continued between wracking sobs, “the car just wouldn’t stay parked behind the elephant. Why? Why!?”

Government figures show that more than 85% of unemployed clowns turn to serial killing within 12 months of losing their jobs, leading to calls for self-driving cars to be banned as a matter of public safety amid warnings that lonely shacks in the woods, isolated lakes, and spooky houses on the edge of town may become ‘no-go areas’.