Wes Craven retires to your dreams on a permanent basis

author avatar by 9 years ago

Horror film director Wes Craven has taken up residence in your dreams on a permanent basis, it was announced this morning.

Craven, who created the Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream film franchises, has opted to move into your subconscious where he will have free rein to terrify you in perpetuity.

The veteran director, who is behind you and you’ll see him when you close a door with a mirror on it, is reported to have stepped permanently into your imaginings last night, which is why you inexplicably woke at 4am this morning with a sense of existential dread.

“Wes always said your imagination was his greatest plaything,” we were told by an odd cowled figure in the shadowed corner of the room.

“And although he was a master of the medium of film, the larger canvas of your sublimated fears will provide him with literally eternal opportunities.”

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“I would say Rest In Peace, but that’s the last thing he’d want you to do.”


People are told to expect a future of dreams featuring cannibals, empty-eyed slashers, and ruinous industrial sites where they are pursued by a hidden, implacable enemy, meaning they wake up feeling disconcerted, worried and frankly no use at all in work the next day.