2015 shittest year on record

author avatar by 9 years ago

2015 is shaping up to be the shittest year since records began, according to experts.

NASA researchers say the three shittest years have fallen within the last decade, including 2008, the year you were fucked by bankers.

And boffins claim that several small island chains will soon be submerged forever by a relentless tidal wave of anthropogenic faeces.

Experts predict that 2015 will be even more shit than 1989, the year your first love dumped you for Neil, a large-handed postal worker from Northampton.

Despite initial promise, 2015 descended into deep farce when a slim majority of eleven million cunts chose to re-elect David Cameron.

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NASA expert, Simon Williams, said:

“The Shoreham air disaster, the Tunisian beach massacre and the UK’s poor showing at Eurovision have conspired to make this the shittest year on record globally.”

“2015 represents a crucial tipping point in terms of shitness and humanity finds itself at a perilous crossroads, like the one near The Three Stags.”

“Your best years are well and truly behind you and West Ham have just stuck three past Liverpool at Anfield. ”

“By contrast, Neil is bucking the trend and is having a truly exceptional year.”

“Supported by his loving, blonde wife (your ex), Neil has finally paid off his mortgage and has had a short story about hedgehogs published by the Readers Digest.”

“Way to go Neil!”

And Williams had this dire warning for the future of the planet.

“If current trends persist, Donald Trump’s toupee initiates thermonuclear war with Russia in 2016 and Neil gets an idea for a novel.”