2380 people who died after being declared ‘fit to work’ would be reconsidered for benefits, says IDS

author avatar by 9 years ago

Iain Duncan Smith has said that the thousands of people who have died after being declared ‘fit to work’ will be allowed to reapply for sickness benefits.

“Yes, it’s slightly inconvenient for us,” he said whilst kicking a puppy against a wall.

“But we are prepared to reconsider some of these people’s benefit status.

“I’m obviously not promising that all of them will prove eligible, I mean, just because they’re dead, doesn’t mean they’re not of value to companies as big cushions or something.”

However he revealed that his biggest source of concern amongst the possibility of reapplication was that of fraud.

NewsThump Best sellers

“Well, yes, I mean obviously fraud is a perennial problem,” he continued, idly waterboarding the puppy and chuckling at its distress.

“I mean, the sort of people who apply for sickness benefits are the sort of feckless scroungers who would happily die if it meant making it easier to scrounge off the state.”

“And I suspect some of them aren’t even dead. I mean, I saw a film about Haitian Witch-doctors who could mix up a powder that would give the appearance of death, we must be sure that none of these people are Haitian witch-doctors.”

“Tremendous stuff though, that powder,” he added wistfully.

“Wouldn’t have lost my virginity without it.”