Millions of Londoners are at risk of having to go to work tomorrow as strikes on the underground network are cancelled, we can report.
With most of the most of the capital having counted on reactionary left-wingers giving them a great excuse for a day “working from home”, tempers are now running high as the opportunity for a good lie in was snatched away at the eleventh hour.
“It’s catastrophic”, said Eddie Morris, an IT worker in Pimlico.
“When I saw headlines like ‘London braces for gridlock’ and ‘Unions shut down capital’ I went out and bought season four of Game of Thrones and six tubes of Pringles.”
“If there’s one thing worse than the Unions stopping me from going to work, it’s the Unions promising to stop me going to work and then not delivering.”
“I’m going to sue the RMT at this rate.”
Public transport will run as normal throughout the capital after arbitration meetings agreed to postpone strikes in favour of further discussions, which is no good to anyone who has to go to the office in Islington.
News reporting of the strike cancellation has featured footage of grim-looking Londoners trudging miserably to work.
“This is the best possible outcome”, said Iain Jones, from in front of his television in his nice, cosy home office in Wales, where he works remotely.
“Now would you excuse me? Jeremy Kyle’s on in a minute.”