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There have been calls to postpone the Labour leadership contest after claims that the Labour party has been infiltrated by Labour supporters.
The four contenders have been meeting to discuss concerns that there may not be a predictable passing of the leadership from one tedious New Labour wonk to another.
“There are very real concerns that genuine Labour supporters have infiltrated the party’s membership,” said Liz Kendall earlier.
“We spent the best part of the last twenty years trying to get rid of these ghastly people with their beards, dungarees and Billy Bragg albums and replace them with pleasant looking young people in nice Next suits, and now they’re back.”
Andy Burnham was quick to add to the debate.
“I like everyone, let’s be friends,” he said pleasantly whilst wearing a nice suit from Next.
Meanwhile Yvette Cooper was focus grouping a popular response.
Liz Kendall would like to see the vetting process for new Labour party members changed.
“I think we should be asking all new members if they would vote for Jeremy Corbyn.”
“If they answer ‘yes’ then I think it’s clear that they’re Labour supporters and therefore not the sort of people we want in the modern Labour party.”
Jeremy Corbyn was unable to comment as he was attempting to move some goalposts back to their original position.
