Share prices have plunged after the Chinese stock market crashed as a direct result of Labour’s mismanagement of the economy seven years ago, the Chancellor claimed today.
“Once again we see the results of the woeful mismanagement of the economy by Labour,” said Mr Osborne whilst lighting a cigar with a fifty pound note.
“Now as then, a worldwide stock market crash is occurring that, despite having its roots in a different country, is as a direct result of Labour’s carefree spending of the country’s reserves on benefits for immigrant lesbians and sweets for Gordon Brown.”
The Labour leadership candidates were quick to leap to the defence of their party’s economic record.
“It’s definitely Jeremy Corbyn’s fault,” read a joint statement from Andy Burnham, Liz Kendall and the other one.
“And if you vote for him then everything will be awful, especially with the economy and that.”
“The problem is that the economic incompetence was so great under Labour that we continue to see the reverberations now, five years on in seemingly unrelated events,” chuckled the Chancellor as he feasted on his favourite swan and diamond Panini.
“In fact, I’d be willing to bet that any economic downturn we see in the future will also be the fault of the previous Labour government.”