Chilcot report eaten by dog

author avatar by 9 years ago

The long overdue report into the illegal war in Iraq has been eaten by Lord Chilcot’s faithful Basset Hound, Trudi.

Weighing in at over 3 kilos, the report, which was expected to conclude that Tony Blair is a bastard war criminal, was left carelessly in Sir John’s kitchen next to a half-open bag of Winalot Mixer.

The report was due in 2012, but its release was set back a year while Sir John went on a fact-finding tour of the Maldives.

A further release date was set for October 2014, but the deadline was missed after Sir John’s HP Inkjet printer suffered a catastrophic paper jam.

Trudi said, “I’d really like to apologise to the millions of bereaved mothers waiting to see this cunt brought to justice, but if I see something lying on a kitchen work surface, there’s a fair chance it’s going to end up in my mouth.

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Illegal war expert, Simon Williams, said, “The report’s continued delay is the sole reason why Tony Blair is still making half a million per after dinner speech and not dangling from his shoelaces in The Hague.”

“I’m afraid that was the only copy as I don’t really do computers,” Chilcot told us.

He added, “I’m going to hang around and see if she shits it out.

“You’re not in any hurry are you?”