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ITV are under fire today for giving the impression that Britain’s Got Talent is anything but a pile of shite for docile morons.
The conclusion came during the same hearing that ruled using three petrified dogs for a dangerous stunt was wrong whereas using one petrified dog would have been alright.
Simon Williams, an OFCOM busybody, said, “We have upheld several complaints about BGT’s status as ‘light entertainment’ having watched a clip of a child trying to play ‘Doo Wah Diddy’ on the spoons.”
“It is therefore OFCOM’s decision that the show be rebranded a cruel experiment of the human condition, and that anyone fooled by show’s previous, fraudulent description have their time refunded, or Simon Cowell buys them a jeep. Whichever is easier.”
Sharon Yates, 39, is one of millions taken in by the deception.
“There were bright lights, it was on at Saturday tea-time and it had Ant ‘n’ Dec in it. How was I to know?”
“I feel betrayed and hurt which, contextually, might suggest I don’t actually know what either of those words really mean. But I do, and I am, so there.”
“Jeep, please.”
It is thought that Britain’s Got Talent will now be axed as nobody really wants to watch science experiments on a Saturday evening.
“We’re just going to put on some repeats of Gladiators,” shrugged ITV’s Maurice Thomas.
“Nobody can tell me that two men thumping each other with giant cotton buds isn’t ruddy good telly.”
