US dentist Walter Palmer has been granted a licence to hunt John Terry, after Chelsea officials declared their captain to now be too old to make a meaningful contribution to the club.
Terry was substituted at half-time during his side’s 3-0 defeat to Manchester City, with club officials immediately offering him to anyone willing to pay a few quid.
The highest bid came from Walter Palmer in the US, who said that as long as the paperwork looked reasonably kosher, he’d offer a few hundred grand for the privilege of shooting him with a bow and arrow.
As one Chelsea official explained, “Having John Terry’s head mounted on the wall of a dentist’s surgery will make room in the squad for younger members to step up and potentially lead the pride.”
“It is the natural order of things, and people shouldn’t be sad because John has had a long and fruitful career with Chelsea – it’s just now we don’t care what happens to him.”
Palmer himself spoke of his delight at the deal, “I’m so excited, I’ve been told about a few places he hangs out, so we’re going to stalk him for a few days before I take a shot.”
“And from what I’ve read about him, most people won’t give a toss compared to Cecil the lion.”