Jeremy Corbyn pledges to nationalise satirical websites

author avatar by 9 years ago

Labour leadership front-runner Jeremy Corbyn has pledged to take satirical websites into public ownership should he gain power.

His supporters have enthusiastically rallied to the idea, pointing out that as there is only one Internet then having multiple private suppliers using it is both wasteful and inefficient.

The new service would provide satire for the public good rather than filling the pockets of fat-cat joke writers.

“It’s clear this neoliberal experiment in multiple providers of satire is letting the British people down”, he told reporters.

“There are many websites competing on the same subjects and often duplicating jokes, for their private profit.”

NewsThump Hoodies

“Far better to have a single, central source of satire where the piss-taking people need can be centrally coordinated.”

Already the Islington People’s Red Star Joke Writing Collective has set to work to write the finest mockery ever produced by a command economy.

“My dog has no nose.”
“How does he smell?”
“That does not matter, he is valued for his differences.”

“My wife has gone to the West indies!”
“No, Cuba, where she will continue the people’s struggle against the oppressive neoliberal Zionist regime of the United States!”

“How many Labour supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them! We must not split the party.”

In a late intervention former Prime Minister Tony Blair has warned people not to vote for Corbyn as he cannot be trusted, but really you can only take satire so far.