by 
US presidential hopeful Donald Trump has been dramatically unmasked as a Shetland Pony in disguise, according to reports this morning.
The pony, real name ‘Kipper’, is believed to be one which escaped from a farm in Bedfordshire in 1987 and adopted a persona as a brash, loudmouthed business mogul to escape recapture.
Many are unsurprised by the revelation, believing it finally explains why his primary form of communication is a loud and braying neigh.
“Shetland ponies are notoriously short, stout and aggressive”, investigators told us, “which is what first awakened our suspicions about Trump.”
“They also have gigantic white teeth and a lock of hair which artfully drapes itself over their brow. That just got us thinking…could Trump be a shaved Shetland pony standing on its hind legs?”
“The more we examined the evidence, the more likely the conclusion became.”
Trump was finally caught out when unexpectedly presented with an apple and several lumps of sugar, and was unable to resist indulging before it was too late.
The revelation has not damaged Trump’s strength in the polls, as voters believe his ability to clear a three-bar gate sets him apart from other challengers.
Trump insists that if he is not selected for the Republican candidacy he will run as an independent from a nice paddock near Lake Winnepesaukee.
