Donald Trump feared lost after disappearing up his own arse

author avatar by 9 years ago

Medical experts in the United States are trying to coax Donald Trump out of his own arse after he vanished up inside it during a televised debate last night.

Witnesses described how, during a lengthy rant about how great he is, Trump was slowly sucked up by his own anus with a repulsive slurping noise.

All that remained was a small pink ring on the cushion of his chair, which would occasionally shout ‘I’m a winner!’

“I’d say it’s shocking, but nobody was actually all that surprised”, an eyewitness told us.

“It was only a matter of time, really.”

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Doctors tried to encourage Trump to emerge by dangling a piece of cheese in front of the orifice, but it was Monterey Jack which the varyingly-wealthy billionaire said sounded ‘suspiciously Mexican’.

Trump has gained in the polls overnight, with many Americans saying that an angry pink ring on a cushion is what they want from a president.

Reports suggest that experts in the disorder from Britain are flying out to assist, following their experience of treating Nigel Farage with a similar complaint in 2013.