Medical experts in the United States are trying to coax Donald Trump out of his own arse after he vanished up inside it during a televised debate last night.
Witnesses described how, during a lengthy rant about how great he is, Trump was slowly sucked up by his own anus with a repulsive slurping noise.
All that remained was a small pink ring on the cushion of his chair, which would occasionally shout ‘I’m a winner!’
“I’d say it’s shocking, but nobody was actually all that surprised”, an eyewitness told us.
“It was only a matter of time, really.”
Doctors tried to encourage Trump to emerge by dangling a piece of cheese in front of the orifice, but it was Monterey Jack which the varyingly-wealthy billionaire said sounded ‘suspiciously Mexican’.
Trump has gained in the polls overnight, with many Americans saying that an angry pink ring on a cushion is what they want from a president.
Reports suggest that experts in the disorder from Britain are flying out to assist, following their experience of treating Nigel Farage with a similar complaint in 2013.