£1bn lost during RBS share sale found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

author avatar by 8 years ago

The £1bn ‘lost’ by the taxpayer during the sale of RBS shares has been found alive and well in the client accounts of several banks, according to reports this morning.

As public concerns grew for the missing £1bn, many experts suspected it may never be found until someone had a look at all the ‘investors’ who were offered shares by George Osborne at a rate 20% lower than they were just three months ago.

Taxpayer Simon Williams admitted relief at the news, telling us, “I honestly feared that the missing billion pounds was gone forever, but now it seems it’s been hiding away in the client accounts of a few investment banker who completely coincidentally happen to be really chummy with the government.

“I’m so relieved.  If it had turned out that the massive undervaluation of a major public asset had led to everyone losing money then I don’t think I could have got over it.”

“So it’s good to know that millions of pounds will be made by the clients of the investment banks that bought the undervalued shares and can now sell them at a healthy profit.”

“I’m so pleased that billion didn’t get ‘lost’ after all.”

RBS sale ‘loses £1bn’

Financial experts have said that the missing £1bn is probably better off where it is anyway.

As one explained, “Look, the government would only have wasted that billion on things like education, healthcare and benefits.”

“But now the billion gets to do what any self-respecting billion does best – line the pockets of people who don’t need it.”

“It’s the Tory way.”