Annual appraisal sees Jesus put on Performance Improvement Plan

author avatar by 8 years ago

The son of God is going to have to improve his workplace performance if he is to keep his cushy job, a new report has revealed.

Like most working age professionals, Jesus is subject to a routine annual assessment but has failed to score well over the last few years.

As one insider explained, “It’s almost like he’s not trying any more. If I didn’t know better I’d think he has a counter-offer somewhere.”

“To be honest, he’s been dining off his performance with those loaves and fishes, the walking on water and the whole resurrection thing for far too long now. We should be looking forward, not backwards.”

“When we asked him what he’s done recently he said ‘I put my face in that woman’s toast in Alabama, didn’t I’.”

“I mean seriously, it’s like he’s not even trying any more.”

“All that said, Jesus is something of an institution around here, so it would be a massive wrench to let him go, but we’ve got to do what’s best for the business.”

“Sorry, I mean religion. We’ve got to do what’s best for the religion. Definitely religion.”

“Maybe it is time he had a change, it might do him good to find out what it’s like in the real world, where results and performance matter.”

“Let’s see how impressed the other religions are with a CV that’s got nothing good on it for a couple of hundred years.”

Jesus – Like Santa, but for grown-ups