Thursday 30 July 2015

Tesco’s new passive aggressive tills to ask if you’re ‘just going to leave that item there then?’


Tesco self-service till

Tesco is to replace its annoying ‘unexpected item in bagging area’ message with far more passive aggressive phrases for its moron customers.

The new message is designed to speed up the check-out process for people who find self-service tills ‘confusing’.

A Tesco spokesperson explained, “Self-service tills are an incredible invention, it’s just that people are too stupid to use them properly – and we feel the latest messaging will help with that.

“In addition to checking if the moron in charge has actually scanned an item, it will also remind them to put the item in a bag, rather than simply stack them all loosely in the ‘bagging area’.

“It’s called the ‘bagging area’. The clue is in the name. It’s called that because you put things in bags. The new message will remind them that is it’s not called the ‘just place everything here loose and then worry about bagging it all once you’ve paid’ area.

“And if you don’t have a Tesco Clubcard it’ll just say ‘fine then, whatever’.”

Moron Simon Williams said he found his first interaction with the new till messaging system to be quite stressful.

He told us, “I’m used to being regularly talked down to by human beings, but this is the first time I’ve been talked down to by a computer.

“The strange thing is, by the time I had to actually pay for my shopping I was actively trying to seek the approval of the till.

“I suspect Tesco might just be evil geniuses.”

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