Friday 24 July 2015 by DavyWavy

Milkshake fails to bring boys to yard

Milkshake boys to the yard

A milkshake has failed to bring any boys to the yard this afternoon, we can report.

The shake, a full-fat strawberry made with actual juicy bits and a scoop of caramel ice-cream, has not brought a single boy despite being available in the yard since 9am this morning.

Observers suggest that the yard being in the hipster haven of Shoreditch may be a contributory factor in the ongoing failure.

They’re like “is it soy-latte made with ethically sourced ingredients?”, a young man with a luxuriant beard told us.

“I’m actually lactose intolerant actually,” he added.

“I mean, not according to the doctor, but I try not to eat dairy after reading about it on the Internet.”

“And unless those strawberries are fair trade and grown in a cooperative collective then I think that’s evil, actually.”

Despite the maker of the milkshake insisting that it is better than yours, it remains resolutely untouched so you wouldn’t have to share.

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