by 
A young man has bemused his comrades by suggesting an outing to Nando’s that isn’t the least bit cheeky.
Simon Williams, 21, came up with the notion after a trip to the cinema where much “bantz” were had, whatever the living fuck that means.
“I just thought we might all fancy a change” said Simon, “maybe rather than the usual, painfully self-aware irony-fest of a ‘cheeky Nando’s’ we might want to proceed as decent members of society.”
“But they just looked at me like I’d shot a dog. Last time I suggest anything new.”
Simon’s friend, Jason Reeves, said “he’s gone mental, I reckon.”
“Can’t keep up with the banter, that’s his problem.”
“That’s actually a real problem these days, you know, especially if you want to keep up with leg-ends like me.”
“I don’t even know where to begin with a ‘polite and courteous’ Nando’s. I’m guessing you’d hold the door open for any tarts on the way in and then maybe offer to wash up after paying the bill?”
“Neither of those things sound massively appealing to me, mainly because of my nature as an insufferable sphincter-pilot.”
It was later agreed that the group would proceed as normal, bursting through the doors of the chicken emporium and cramming round a table to talk loudly about breasts and thighs while trying to “out-spice” each other when ordering food.
“I suppose it’s better than throwing pretence to the wind, thwapping our cocks down on the table and measuring them” shrugged Simon.
“Besides, we did that last week.”
