Australia demands ‘Shark Punching’ be introduced as an Olympic Sport

author avatar by 9 years ago

Australia wants ‘shark punching’ to be included in the 2016 Olympics, they have announced this afternoon.

The event, which some people have described as ‘just plain stupid’, would be included as a demonstration event in Brazil.

The suggestion follows a string of non-traditional sports being included in the Olympics, including BMXing and Snowboarding.

Judging the event would be “dead easy”, the Australian Sports Minister declared.

“You get some bloke, and a dirty great shark. The bloke clocks the shark one smack in the mush. ”

NewsThump best selling notebooks

“Any bloke who manages to twat the shark and not get bleeding eaten – by which we mean the Australian one, obviously – gets a gold medal.”

“Anyone gets eaten, well, that’s their tough titty, isn’t it? Man up and walk it off.”

“No photo finishes like you get with those pommie pufftas on bicycles here. The whole thing is mano a sharko, the way sport was meant to be.”

The proposed event would also allow competitors to headbutt the shark if they prefer, although protective headgear would be “strictly prohibited.”

The minister added that it was a shame sharks don’t have goolies, as otherwise they’d suggest kicking the shark in the happy sacks as an acceptable alternative as well.

In a change to anti-doping rules entrants would be allowed to consume up to six stubbies of Fosters before stepping up.

The Chinese delegation to the International Olympic Committee have already come out broadly in favour of the proposal, amid rumours they have already opened a Glorious Happy People’s Progressive Joy Shark-Punching Academy Camp and recruited children as young as three for twenty years of intensive training.