‘Oh, go on then’ say MPs who previously rallied against pay rise

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Politicians will grudgingly accept a 10% pay rise today, like the heroes they so clearly are.

MPs’ pay is set to rise from £67,060 to £74,000, which is roughly the equivalent to a dozen or so NHS nurses, according to one bloke in the pub.

The confirmation of the raise comes as a slight surprise to some, bearing in mind the number of politicians who have rallied against the raise and deemed it ‘inappropriate’.

However it comes as a complete piece of non-news to anyone who has ever met, seen, or thought about a politician.

“It is entirely justified” said Malcolm McTwatt, MP for Doncaster.

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“Our expenses, allowances, pensions and severance pay have all been reduced to only twelve times the level of the average human being.”

“We still need to make a living here and quite frankly I think you should respect that.”

“I know I came out against this in the past, but then the wife mentioned the kitchen needed doing up, and when the facts change, I change my mind.”

Members of the public are a little peeved.

“Yes, ‘a little peeved’ is the nice phrase” confirmed cleaner, Rachel Stevens.

“But ‘driven up the shitting wall by that greedy bunch of self-serving arse-puppets’ is the more accurate one.”

“The sheer audacity of a group of austerity-pushing suits claiming another seven grand a year is so immense it’s actually impressive.”

“Only Kanye West could match them for a sheer lack of self-awareness.”

The pay rise will come into effect in the next financial year, allowing MPs the appropriate amount of money to buy a really good telescope through which to view the poor and disabled being driven into the sea.