How about Super-Soakers then, asks Boris Johnson

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After Home Secretary Theresa May told London Mayor Boris Johnson he can’t use his water cannons on the public, Johnson has asked if Super Soakers would be ok.

The £300k water canons bought by Johnson before he knew if he could even use them will now remain in storage whilst he looks for alternative methods of controlling public disturbances.

London Mayor Johnson said, “Look, high velocity streams of water seem to be quite effective – and I’ve seen these Super Soakers advertised on TV and it looks like they could easily knock you off your feet if wielded by a trained officer.”

“Plus they’re made in nice bright colours so no-one is going to think they’re being shot by real or plastic bullets.”

However experts in maintaining public order have insisted that Johnson’s plans are fundamentally flawed due to the fact that he plans to rely on toys designed for use by children, on children.

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Johnson retorted, “Oh, I get it, this is because I wanted the Met Police to be able to use Chinese burns during interrogations, isn’t it?”

“Look, I still stand by my assertion that Chinese Burns are the most effective method of getting someone to tell you a secret that they’ve been told they should never, ever, reveal.”

“At least that was the case at my boarding school.”