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America is confident that there will be no more mass shootings on its soil after it removed the confederate flag from the South Carolina Statehouse.
“Dylan Roof had published numerous photos of himself posing with guns,” said Governor Nikki Haley
“However, many of these photos of him posing with guns also featured, sometimes quite prominently, a confederate flag.”
“So, clearly, the lesson to take from these photos of a killer with his guns is that removing the confederate flag will solve all our problems with mass shootings.”
The move has been seen as a huge gamble due to the popularity of the confederate flag amongst racists, and the fact that racists are estimated to make up 58% of the American electorate.
But these fears appear unwarranted, and many racists are removing their own confederate flags, by choice.
“Hell, I jus’ about love this old rebel flag more’n anything,” said racist Chuck Williams as he sat outside his trailer drinking a cold Bud and handling a snake.
“But, if it’ll prevent any more of these damn mass shootin’s then I’ll take it down.”
He then pointed a shotgun at us and told us to get off his property.
“Yep, this should solved all our problems with guns,” continued Governor Hayley.
“If it doesn’t then, Hell, I don’t know. I mean, what else is there we can do?”
