Raheem Sterling agrees to Greek bailout

author avatar by 9 years ago
NewsThump Needs Your Help

Judas striker Raheem Sterling will donate a fraction of his salary to prevent a Grexit, according to reports.

The player, whose name just happens to coincide with that of a popular currency, agreed the initial terms of a bailout in late night talks with Angela Merkel and Alexis Tsipras.

Hopes of a deal were fading fast when a noticeably-tired Sterling remarked that the sum of money owed by Greece was less than what he keeps in his current account.

Money from Sterling’s first pay Man City pay packet is expected to arrive at Greek cashpoints around lunchtime today, after the finance-savvy wunderkind used a currency broker to ensure a favourable rate of exchange.

Greeks, meanwhile, took to the streets of Athens to celebrate, with many calling for the Acropolis to be named after deal-facilitator Brendan Rodgers.

NewsThump Best sellers

Sterling said, “If my new club’s recent record is anything to go by, this is probably one of my only and only chance to be a serious player in Europe.”

The financial markets reacted buoyantly to the news, with the Euro leaping three points – more than City managed in their last ten away matches.

The eighteen year-old has now assumed the status of a Greek God among Athenians, although Zeus was not renowned for his habit of taking theatrical dives against Stoke City.

Sterling added, “It’s weird, because I can’t fucking stand kebabs.”

Sterling will make his debut for City in August, when after three games on the bench, he is expected to be loaned out to struggling Greek outifit Panathinaikos.