Han Solo origin story to reveal he worked on cheese counter in supermarket

author avatar by 9 years ago

Disney have announced that a new Han Solo Star Wars film is in production, and will depict the popular character’s early life working in a supermarket.

Fans will be surprised to learn that rather than an exciting life of smuggling and adventure, Han Solo worked on the cheese counter of a local space-supermarket, enjoyed quiz shows, and lived with his Mum.

“Yes, we could have gone for a big exciting film with galactic battles, robots, and cool spaceships,” said director Christopher Miller.

“But I think what fans will really be looking for is an examination of poverty and hopelessness that’s allegorical to life in a failing Welsh market-town in the late-eighties.”

The film will be over four hours long and will consist of long scenes of a young Han Solo watching telly with his Mum, having his tea, and sorting out the cheese before the space-supermarket opens.

Mr Miller was unwilling to reveal a great deal more, but did offer this tantalising titbit;

“It’s been a cause of great speculation, but we are finally, definitively going to reveal the true nature of the Kessell Run mentioned in the first Star Wars.”

“It’s actually a particularly long newspaper round that the young Han Solo has to cover one day when the regular space-paper boy goes home sick with a cold.”