Hundreds blinded by sunlight reflecting off pasty white English bodies

author avatar by 8 years ago

Hundreds of people have been struck blind by bright sunlight reflecting off the pasty white bodies of British people with their shirts off, Doctors have claimed today.

Medical authorities have issued a warning not to look directly at the pallid, reflective surface of other people’s bodies as the risks to eyesight are the same as staring straight into the sun.

Reports also indicate that the reflected dazzle of thousands of topless Britons on Blackpool beach yesterday was visible from the International Space Station.

“British bodies simply aren’t supposed to be exposed to direct sunlight like this”, a spokesman for the British Medical Journal told us.

“Many men have spent years carefully cultivating large, pasty moobs in almost total darkness , and their reflective capacity when exposed to sunlight is, frankly, terrifying.”

“If you must look at someone who is flashing the guns for the first time in years, make sure you do it through a pinhole in a sheet of paper or through welders goggles to protect your eyes.”

The spokesman went on to “Thank God” that the fashion for muffin tops has passed of the consequences in strong sunlight might have been catastrophic.

Victims of what is being termed ‘moob-blindness’ are also having to receive therapy due to the horror of the last thing they will ever see being a half-naked person whose primary diet is cans of Carling.

Meanwhile Iain McLeish of Largs has been declared a traffic hazard after taking his shirt off in the garden for the first time since 1978.