95% of all Facebook posts now complete drivel

author avatar by 8 years ago

A new study has revealed that the vast majority of posts to Facebook are utterly shit.

“Over 70% of posts are just pictures of Minions falling over,” said Professor of Social Sciences, Keith Coleman.

“20% are ‘motivational’ phrases like ‘Dance like you’re in someone else’s dream,’ ‘Love me for a reason, and let that reason be love’, or ‘Fuck a unicorn.’

“And there are still a small portion of middle-aged dull people who just post pictures of their dinner.”

It is the highest proportion of shit Facebook posts since 2013’s peak of pseudo-surveys like ‘Share if you think bad things are bad,’ and ‘Like if you enjoy ice-cream’.

Facebook drivel

Facebook fans have greeted the findings with derision

“I think that’s just snobby,” said cat fan and Facebook user, Simon Williams.

“It’s really good to see pictures of Minions falling over because, you know, it’s really cheerful and fun and my life is so mind-numbingly awful I have to take any joy, no matter how small, where I can find it.”

Professor Coleman recommends improving the quality of Facebook by posting bits of À la recherche du temps perdu and pictures of scientific experiments.

But most Facebook users thought that would be shit.

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