All gigs now ‘Festivals’

author avatar by 8 years ago

All gigs, concerts, and open mic nights are to be officially recognised as festivals from now on.

The move comes after the high court threw out a case against a mobile phone company who had been promoting a concert in a football stadium as a festival.

This is despite there only being three performers on the bill, one of which was Ed Sheeran.

A spokesmouth for the company told us. “The promotional campaign featured lots of pictures of flowers and an adult girl in face paint. Clearly that makes it a festival.

“We had a hog roast and aggressively searched online about everyone attending to see what they were saying. Again, clearly a festival.

“Oh yeah, and everyone was forced to drink the same brand of truly awful lager. That is totally a festival.


Everything now a festival

The move has had a negative impact on local radio roadshows, which are now also required to call themselves festivals.

Gem 106 in Nottingham issued the following statement: “The changes to the law meant we had to rebrand our annual roadshow as a festival.

“Unfortunately that meant a load of hippies turned up with a soundsystem and started playing aggressive hardcore techno.

“Imagine watching a lad off of X Factor miming to a backing track with that going on.

“And try presenting a drivetime show when you’re in a k-hole. That does not go well, believe me.”

Actual Festivals have responded to the new regulations by shrugging and asking O2 for more money.