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All gigs, concerts, and open mic nights are to be officially recognised as festivals from now on.
The move comes after the high court threw out a case against a mobile phone company who had been promoting a concert in a football stadium as a festival.
This is despite there only being three performers on the bill, one of which was Ed Sheeran.
A spokesmouth for the company told us. “The promotional campaign featured lots of pictures of flowers and an adult girl in face paint. Clearly that makes it a festival.
“We had a hog roast and aggressively searched online about everyone attending to see what they were saying. Again, clearly a festival.
“Oh yeah, and everyone was forced to drink the same brand of truly awful lager. That is totally a festival.
“Festival.”
Everything now a festival
The move has had a negative impact on local radio roadshows, which are now also required to call themselves festivals.
Gem 106 in Nottingham issued the following statement: “The changes to the law meant we had to rebrand our annual roadshow as a festival.
“Unfortunately that meant a load of hippies turned up with a soundsystem and started playing aggressive hardcore techno.
“Imagine watching a lad off of X Factor miming to a backing track with that going on.
“And try presenting a drivetime show when you’re in a k-hole. That does not go well, believe me.”
Actual Festivals have responded to the new regulations by shrugging and asking O2 for more money.
