We came up with a solution to the Greek crisis but the dog ate it, says EU

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The European Union came up with a costed, workable and equitable plan to resolve the Greek crisis over the weekend but the dog ate it, we can report this morning.

The IMF, the European Government and the European Central bank sat up for, like, hours putting the plan together but when they came down this morning they found that it had been devoured by a playful Jack Russell and they can’t remember exactly what it said.

Looking shifty and staring at his feet this morning, EU President Jean-Claude Junker insisted he’d done the work and it wasn’t his fault if he couldn’t hand it in on time.

The accident follows several weeks of delays, including a bailout package being ‘left on the bus’, Angela Merkel leaving her bag with a resolution deal at home one morning by total accident, and ECB head Mario Draghi’s nan dying for the seventh time.

EU Greece deal

Speaking at a press conference, a representative of the EU reacted angrily to the suggestion that the Commission was delaying coming to a deal with Greece as that would give the Italians, Spanish and Portuguese all kinds of ideas about getting their debts written off as well.

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“I did write a speech but my computer crashed before I saved it and I lost the lot,” the spokesman said.

“But I can assure you that I covered all the major criticisms in an incisive and meaningful way, and I’ll get it done again and present it as soon as I’ve got time.”

In breaking news this morning, the Greek delegation has arrived at crunch talks with the EU today without any proposals to reduce their welfare budget because their cat had kittens on the paperwork last night.