North Korea invents Bacon

author avatar by 9 years ago

North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-Un has discovered a new wonder food called ‘Bacon’, the Korean Central News Agency announced today.

The foodstuff has been hailed as a breakthrough by North Korean butty scientists, who immediately accused thieving western capitalists of having stolen the discovery to deny Kim his rightful glory.

A spokesman for the DPRK insisted the food, which is apparently made of salted bits of pig, has miraculous qualities which include being incredibly tasty and curing hunger, impotence and cancer.

The statement went on to claim that only a being as wise as the Supreme Leader could be so great as to invent bacon.

Suggestions that bacon has been around since the year dot and was clearly not invented last week by a deranged Communist were met with incredulity and anger.

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“The great, peace-loving nation of North Korea immediately demand full payment of all royalties on bacon since forever or the capitalists will wither before the might of our just wrath,” said a North Korean spokesman between gob-fulls of a whopping great bap full of pig.

“We shall rain destruction upon their homes and loved ones if they do not give us all the fucking bacon.”

“If we say Kim invented bacon then he invented it and that’s final.”

“He says he’s going to invent Daddies sauce next week as well.”