What did you think we were doing, ask spies who spied

author avatar by 8 years ago

After public outrage at revelations GCHQ is spying on people, spies are wondering what the fuck people think they do all day.

Recent leaks have caused anger after demonstrating that spies have been spying, instead of doing their proper job of fighting a man with metal hands in a volcano.

It has been suggested that most spies ‘aren’t actually terribly athletic’ and would struggle to run parkour across the rooftops of Bogota pursued by a North Korean hit squad, so reading your email is probably a better option, all things considered.

“Yes, we present an image that being a spy is all martinis and knocking off leggy Ukrainian lingerie models, but that’s just what we say to get recruits”, a GCHQ spokesman told us.

“It’s advertising. AD-VER-TIS-ING.”

“Most of the time we’re actually reading your texts and emails to check you’re not planning on murdering hundreds of people. We’re not saying you are, but just in case, you know?”

GCHQ went on to confirm that you are extremely boring and they couldn’t care less that you got drunk and shagged the cute graduate from sales the other week.

However the closest most spies get to leggy Ukrainian models is the selfies you take at 3am, so if you’d send more of them they would be very grateful.