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Budget airline Ryanair is to impose a £10 supplementary charge for apologising to customers when they cock up, we can report this morning.
The airline, which advertises low prices but then shoves its hand deeper into your wallet than Gordon Brown ever managed, announced the new fee to cover ‘administrative expenses’.
Ryanair explained that staff at information desks will need extensive training to insincerely mutter the word ‘sorry’ from between gritted teeth when your plane has been delayed for several hours, but that customers would have to cover the cost.
Airline bosses insisted the pricing would help keep costs low for customers who were content to be treated like the mindless, disposable sacks of protoplasm they are.
£10 will entitle the customer a terse and mendacious apology.
However, customers can upgrade to a ‘premium remorse’ package which will entitle them to more convincing expressions of regret.
“For a one-off payment of £50 our representative will try to squeeze out a tear whilst informing you that there’s no way you’ll be getting to your destination in the foreseeable future,” a spokesman told us.
“Additional services, including our representatives looking up from their screen and making eye contact with the customer when saying sorry will also be available for a small sum.”
“Obviously if anyone doesn’t like this new policy we’re very sorry.”
“Oh, and that’ll be ten pounds, please.”
If customers want a letter of apology for things which aren’t their fault, they will also be asked to cover the cost of a stamp.
