Greek Euro crisis to be solved by Noel Edmonds on ‘Deal or No Deal’

author avatar by 8 years ago

Noel Edmonds is to fly to Athens on an urgent mission to resolve a debt crisis which is threatening Eurozone stability by boring everybody shitless.

The unexpected move comes after weeks of failed bilateral negotiations between Germany and Greece, in which no deal has presented itself.

“It is complete mystery why we no get solution yet,” said ultra-leftist Greek Finance Minister, Kostas Kyriakis.

“You call Germans ‘fiscal Nazis’ just one time, and they go absolutely crazy. That’s Nazis for you, no sense of humour!”

A European Central Bank spokesperson explained that under the Edmonds Plan, the Greek leader, Alexis Tsipras, will be phoned by a mysterious figure known only as ‘Angela The Banker’ whilst appearing live on national TV.

He will then be offered two choices: pay the billions of Euros demanded by international creditors or have all Greek citizens over 50 years-old culled and turned into biofuel to simultaneously resolve the Greek pension and energy crisis.

In a separate development it appears that events may yet be overtaken by American action after National Security Agency officials identified Mr Tsipras’s ‘Syriza’ party as, “sounding suspiciously like a Middle Eastern state that we should probably bomb the shit out of.”

When contacted for comment, Noel Edmonds replied, “Blobby, blobby, blobby!”