A dull man yesterday revealed how he has grown a beard to make up for his fundamental lack of personality.
“I’m quite tedious,” said Simon Williams, tediously.
“So, I thought I’d grow a beard, then people might think I’m quite interesting.
“It’s good, because now rather than telling people about the good shave I had in the morning, I can now tell people how much my beard as grown overnight.
“It’s about half a millimetre,” he added.
Mr Williams joins the legions of profoundly boring men who have all grown beards instead of developing a personality, creating an industry of absurd beard-related crap such as beard oil, beard combs, and beard cagoules to keep the beard dry in a rainstorm.
The new trend has upset dull women.
“It’s not really fair,” said Jenny Bottomdrawer.
“I’m really dull, but no matter how much I strain, I can’t grow a beard.
“I had to stop trying after one day I strained so much, I soiled myself. So I gave myself an interesting surname instead.”
Beards have now become so popular amongst dull men, that some have also taken to wearing stupid trousers as well.
“That’s probably a bit too far for me,” said Mr Williams.
“I’m just looking to be a quite interesting man, not a very interesting one.”