Donald Trump pledges to turn White House lawn into golf course

author avatar by 8 years ago

Billionaire Donald Trump today declared his candidacy for President of the USA with a pledge to turn the White House lawn into a golf course if he wins.

During a press conference at Trump Tower on New York’s 5th Avenue, Trump stated it was his intention to run for President as a Republican candidate, and he hopes to have a better swing than George W Bush by the end of his first term.

He went on to claim that his presidency would create untold jobs in the vital landscape gardening, caddying and hair-care product industries.

Trump outlined a wide range of policy areas, including turning the Yellowstone national park into a golf course, converting the President’s summer home at Martha’s Vineyard into a prestigious golfing retreat, and taking the war to Isis in Syria to free up lots of land for golf courses.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I pledge I will be the most versatile and imaginative President this great country has ever seen”, Trump told reporters.

“I will utilise woods, irons and putters in every imaginable combination to reduce my handicap, and that of America.”

“With me as President, I assure you the Oval Office will not be without a few putters to help visiting dignitaries feel welcome and comfortable, and I pledge not to declare war on anyone who beats me. Probably.”

Some observers have suggested that those Presidential candidates who do best tend to have a full head of hair, to which Trump insisted he was qualified in every way and would be declaring that he has 9 billion active follicles within days.