Magaluf destroyed by the wrath of God

author avatar by 9 years ago

Magaluf has been destroyed by the wrath of God overnight, according to reports emerging this morning.

The Lord’s attention was apparently drawn to the town by clerics claiming that nudity causes earthquakes and casual sex brings forth tornados.

After contenting Himself with visiting such terrors on out-of-the-way places not really known for their debauchery, God is alleged to be ‘Gobsmacked’ that he somehow missed Majorca.

The town was struck by a plague of boils and frogs before being swept away by a wave of flame in an event that witnesses are describing as ‘unexpected, but way cool.’

Survivor Tracey Guttersnipe, 21, said “I were just lobbing some bloke off for buying me a Bacardi Breezer when, lo, the Lord did descend in his accoutrements of wrath and smite woe unto the partygoers, even those as were unclothed as to their nakedness.”

NewsThump Best sellers

“Much like the fate of the Amalekites in the First Book of Chronicles.”

Having got into the swing of things, the Lord is planning to arrange for Blackpool to be struck by a meteor sometime tomorrow, and for everyone on Ibiza to be turned into a pillar of salt ‘to save time.’

As yet God is reported to be unaware of Brighton and Las Vegas, and observers are expecting ‘no end of trouble’ when He finds out.