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Thieves who stole the manuscript for the latest 50 Shades of Gray novel have been awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature, we can report today.
Publishers announced the manuscript had been stolen this morning, leading to the Nobel Committee hastily convening for a special award.
The theft of the manuscript has left the publication of the book in doubt, leading to heartfelt outpouring of gratitude from book lovers worldwide.
“This is clearly the selfless action of someone who genuinely cares about literature,” said a spokesman for the Nobel organisation.
“I truly believe that preventing the publication of another turgid, depressing tome about Anastasia Steele getting into an abusive relationship is a gift to humanity.”
“I tell you, the award is worth it just so nobody ever has to read the phrase ‘Quivering buttocks’ ever again.”
Nobel prize for 50 Shades thief
The Nobel spokesman went on to suggest that if the thief could steal and destroy any potential Dan Brown books as well, then there might be the Nobel Peace Prize in it for them too.
The publishers fear the new 50 Shades book will be leaked online or to the press, an action which the Nobel committee warned would lead to the award being immediately withdrawn.
“If the thieves do that we might just fine them as well,” said a spokesman.
“Or maybe go round and give them a good beating, assuming of course that they don’t get off on that sort of thing.”
