American police praised for restraint after failing to shoot black children at party

author avatar by 9 years ago

Dallas police are today being praised for their restraint after being filmed not shooting any unarmed black children at a party.

Officers restricted themselves to assaulting and restraining a 15-year-old in a bikini who was ‘clearly an immediate threat’.

Police had been called to the party after an argument broke out and resolved the situation with no fatalities and minimal injuries to the minors in attendance.

The restrained and calm intervention was filmed by a white male partygoer, who was not struck at any point in the proceedings.

“This is a great day for American policing”, said a spokesman in praise of officers.

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“Despite being confronted by several unhappy, semi-nude black children, officers showed great restraint in only threatening them with a firearm.”

“At no point was a firearm discharged in the general direction of a black child. Nobody was killed. We repeat, nobody was killed. God bless America.”

Reports suggest a new medal is to be struck, which will be awarded to officers who don’t kill any unarmed children in any given month.

In response to events, the NRA proposed the introduction of armed Federal Party Marshals.

These armed, grown men would attend teenage parties and stand glowering in the corner ‘to ensure things don’t get out of hand’.