Illegally accessing personal information is bad unless we’re doing it, confirms US

author avatar by 8 years ago

The US government has accused Chinese hackers of illegally accessing the personal information of thousands of American citizens in a move it described as ‘nothing like when we do it’.

The Chinese hackers are suspected of carrying out a “massive breach” of the personal data of nearly four million US government workers, in an effort the NSA claimed was ‘completely guileless’.

The hack has affected the Office of Personnel Management (OPM), and they confirmed that both current and past employees had data stolen by people who weren’t American for a change.

A spokesperson for the OPM explained, “When the privacy of American citizens is invaded without their knowledge and consent, you had better hope that the people doing the invading are American – otherwise it’s just plain wrong.”

“Here in the US your personal information is absolutely sacrosanct – right up until the point where someone in the government wants to have a little look at it.”

“But this was the Chinese, so it’s really bad.”

“It’s not like it was someone from inside a secretive US government department reading private things about Americans – it was foreign people doing it. Which is completely wrong and well worthy of our condemnation.”

“You have to remember, the Chinese hackers were stealing your personal data and invading your privacy for evil foreign purposes, not for patriotic domestic purposes, like when we do it.”

“Good honest Americans have nothing to fear about their personal information being read by good honest Americans without their consent.”

“You can trust us on that.”