Arthur Scargill to run for Labour leadership

author avatar by 9 years ago

Veteran coal miner and trade unionist Arthur Scargill has thrown his hat into ring for the Labour Leadership contest.

Front runner Andy Burnham last night voiced surprise at Mr Scargill’s decision saying ‘we thought he was dead’.

It’s believed that amongst Mr Scargill’s main policies he will advocate a return to the exact moment in 1984 where he was hit on the head by a copper at Orgreave Colliery.

The battle at Orgreave was one of the worst of the year-long strike, and it’s believed Mr Scargill wishes to relive the moment so he can strap a stick to his leg, and smack the filthy scab loving pig that whacked him.

In recent years Scargill has come under scrutiny for his alleged miss-use of a million pound flat in London’s Barbican area.

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After numerous calls, we tracked him down leaving Stringfellow’s nightclub and wearing a ‘leather’ jacket.

When pressed on the details of his policies, Mr Scargill shouted for us to “fuck-off scabs” insisting “If I don’t win, I’ll be calling for a national strike by the NUM.”

He was then helped into the back of his Jaguar by The Dad from Billy Elliot.

Our reporter later followed him to a graveyard in Chelsea where he was smoking a roly whilst relieving himself on Mrs Thatcher’s grave.

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