UKIP leadership committee rejects Sepp Blatter’s resignation

author avatar by 8 years ago

Sepp Blatter’s resignation has been rejected by the UKIP leadership committee and he will be asked to stand again for leader, according to sources this morning.

Despite doing a bad job according to just about everyone that wasn’t directly benefitting financially from him being President, UKIP have insisted that Sepp Blatter ‘is Mr FIFA’ and should not be forced out because of a couple of bad results.

A spokesperson for the political party explained, “Yes, Sepp has done the honourable thing by resigning, but people aren’t asking the right question – is this the best thing for FIFA?”

“Every value that FIFA holds dear is embodied by Sepp Blatter. Everything they stand for as an organisation is personified by that man.”

“When you think of FIFA, you think of Sepp Blatter, and vice versa. This is not a legacy you should simply discard because of a couple of poor recent results.”

“We feel the recent FIFA leadership election was a great success, and that there is overwhelming evidence that the majority of FIFA members want Sepp Blatter to stay as leader.”

“We at UKIP strongly believe that Sepp Blatter has done a tremendous job for FIFA, and that he should remain as its figurehead moving forward.”

“Which is why we have today rejected his resignation, and expect him to announce he is staying as leader any moment now.”

Sepp Blatter was surprised at the rejection of his resignation, and told reporters, “I genuinely feel it is not right for me to stay as President when the most important leaders in the world want me to go – you know, the people at the head of Coca-Cola, Adidas, McDonald’s and others.”

“But, if my people want me…”