2022 World Cup moved to USA after FBI drop FIFA corruption charges

author avatar by 9 years ago

The FBI has dropped all corruption charges against senior FIFA officials after announcing that the 2022 World Cup has been moved from Qatar to the USA. 

The final of the tournament will be held in the Washington DC Robert F Kennedy stadium, just a few miles from FBI headquarters.

Other major games in the tournament will be played at Scott Stadium, close to the CIA headquarters at Langley, Virginia, and Soldier Field in Chicago, conveniently close to Barack Obama’s home in the city.

This will be the second time the USA has hosted the tournament, despite nobody there watching the game or even knowing anything about it.

However the sponsorship opportunities are reported to be ‘immensely lucrative’, and have been signed over to the FBI’s marketing arm.

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“We’re delighted to have cleared up these silly, silly suggestions that FIFA is corrupt”, said an FBI spokesman wearing a solid gold FIFA badge.

“We thought there was something in it, but when we got back to our hotel there were a bunch of girls there who really helped us come to our senses.”

“And when Sepp Blatter demonstrated his trust in us by putting down a sack full of money and leaving the room, it suddenly became clear that our suspicions were baseless.”

“We extend our apologies to FIFA, and we’re very grateful to them for presenting all our staff with tickets to the World Cup Final as a goodwill gesture.”

The Qatari Royal Family are reported to be ‘furious’ at the change, insisting that they paid ‘damn good money’ for the tournament and it looks like all those construction workers on their stadium project died for nothing.