Ryanair’s increased profits land 80 miles from intended HQ

author avatar by 9 years ago

Budget airline Ryanair has been left red-faced today as a jump in profits arrived 80 miles from its expected destination.

The £4 million boost had been expected to be delivered directly to the company’s bank account at their Dublin headquarters.

Instead the money was dropped off in a lay-by near Kilkenny which had a hastily erected sign referring to it ‘Dublin-Kilkenny’, and the profits were forced to take a 2 hour coach journey to reach its advertised destination.

“I told the website we needed to go direct to Michael O’Leary’s office in Dublin,” complained one bundle of banknotes.

“It offered me a really cheap flight to Dublin so I booked it, but upon arrival I was told that the sack I was traveling in was too big so suddenly my flight got twice as expensive.”

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“Then they charged me £20 to print out a boarding pass, shoved me into an area obviously designed for a much smaller package, and then unceremoniously dumped out of the plane somewhere over mainland Ireland miles from bloody anywhere.”

“This is the last time I’m going to be the profits of a Ryanair. Next time I’m going to be part of British Airways’s profits instead.”

Asked to comment on the incident O’Leary said, “What more do these bastards want? We give them free oxygen and complimentary parachutes and still they’re whinging. I blame gay marriage.”