We spent nine years perfecting this apology, insists Thomas Cook

author avatar by 9 years ago

Thomas Cook’s CEO has apologised over the deaths Christi and Bobby Shepherd whilst on one of their holidays, saying the nine-year delay was to make sure the apology was perfect.

Reading from a teleprompter, chief executive Peter Fankhauser told the gathered reporters, “From the deepest of my heart I am sorry.”

“Dramatic pause, and I can only hope this finely crafted, heavily reviewed and legally approved apology will adequately communicate that sentiment in a manner that placates you, and the many unhappy potential customers out there.”

“Thomas Cook has been committed to apologising for the tragic deaths of Christi and Bobby for nine long years, but only in the last few days as public opinion has swayed against us and our share price has been affected have we felt ready to finally go public with it.”

“We felt the time was right, especially now that the court of public opinion has branded us sociopaths, to come out and explain in the words of a highly paid public relations official how truly sorry we are.”

NewsThump Hoodies

“Let it not be said that we have not looked closely at ourselves in the mirror, as we rehearsed this apology.”

“We hope that everyone involved will be assured that it is our sincerest intention to make this apology convincing.”

“Thank you for your time.”