Government insists Trident as secure as any diamond vault

author avatar by 9 years ago

The government has moved to allay fears over the security around the Trident nuclear deterrent, insisting it’s as safe as putting the missiles in a diamond vault.

After a whistleblower William McNeilly handed himself into police after calling the security ‘a disaster waiting to happen’, Ministry of Defence officials have moved to calm public concerns.

An MoD spokesperson explained,  “We think people have been misled by this Mr McNeilly, who made it seem like you could just walk into one of our submarines and have a go on a nuclear missile.”

“That’s rubbish, the security we have in place might be from the public sector, but it is state of the art, much like you’d see in the private sector in a diamond vault.”

“There is a stringent security policy, there are alarms, there are multiple levels of identification, there are cameras – and even if you managed to get around all of that, there’s still a metre thick secure wall preventing you from getting at the missiles.”

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“It’s not like you can just open the door.”

“We have procedures in place that if any alarm goes off, someone needs to make sure they come by and check everything is ok with the missiles – and because the missiles are really, really important those checks would never, ever be missed.”

“I’m telling you now, it’s absolutely impossible to breach Trident security.”

“Almost certainly.”