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The reason for George Osborne’s lack of visibility since the Tory election win has been revealed; he won’t take off his hi-viz jacket and helmet.
Famously, throughout the campaign Mr Osborne constantly wore a hi-viz jacket and helmet to pretend that he gave two shits about working people.
“It’s a bloody nightmare,” said a spokesperson for the Treasury.
“Apart from anything else, it’s starting to stink to high-heaven but I think he believes that it’s got some sort of strange talismanic power, like if he takes it off then the magic will stop working and the Tories will have lost the election.”
Many commentators believe Ed Balls second biggest electoral mistake was to not wear a hi-viz jacket and helmet enough throughout the campaign. His first biggest, of course, was his being Ed Balls.
However, Mr Osborne’s refusal to remove his own hi-viz jacket and helmet (specially made for him out of the tusks of endangered rhinos and lined with gold leaf) is starting to unnerve some of his colleagues.
“It’s ghastly,” said Michael Gove.
“I keep thinking that there’s a poor person hovering around and that I’m going to have to pretend to empathise with him and drop my aitches.”
Mr Osborne is set to outline Tory budgetary plans in the next few days, probably from a building site somewhere while wearing a high-viz jacket and helmet.
